Monday, December 14, 2009

Tis the season of falling trees...fall la la la la la the falling tree

Up until today I thought I LOVED real Christmas tree's...but what I think I have finally come to realize is that I love the IDEA of real Christmas trees. Don't get me wrong, I do love how they smell, I love that they change from year to year, I love how they look( I don't care how beautiful a fake tree is it will never quite compare to a real one). I don't even mind the watering, or the falling needles. So, you ask, if you have all this love, why the disillusionment???

I HATE FALLING TREES!!!!!!!!

It never fails, every year our tree falls over, or almost falls over or threatens to fall over, and this year is no exception...sigh.

I was sitting on the couch right beside the tree editing my google calender on the laptop, when all of a sudden I see out of the corner of my eye, my tree slowly tipping over. Well I jump into action(to the dismay of my poor laptop who made quick friends with the floor...oy)grabbed the tree and then......exactly...WTF do I do now?? Chris is at work, my mom who had called about 10 min. earlier to tell me she was going out was obviously not around to come and help, and well Ewan and Rufus despite their good intentions were far more hindrance then help(thankfully Keir was in his crib asleep, and you guessed it, he did not remain so as the chaos continued).

Ok So here I am holding my tree up, freaking out(that is putting it mildly), yelling at the kids to stop playing with the falling ornaments and branches, telling them over and over again that no they can not help me....and, get this what do I say next? (Mommy of the year award goes to Maggie Cox!!! NOT!!) "If you don't stop touching the freaking tree and leave me alone there will be NO CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR!!!!" (well done Maggie!!...yeah I will take a few pats on the back now).

Oh yeah back to what to do with the tree...

So here I am standing here holding this tree....racking my brain about how I am going to fix this little problem. So I pull over the rolling table and figure maybe I can rest it against that, well that isn't going to happen since the base wont bend and if I tip it over the tree will come right out and there will be water everywhere. So then I try and lean it against the window...no go there either.

So what do I hear whispering in my head, Chris saying we should have tied the tree up, I told you we should have tied the tree up...yeah yeah ok already!! So how the Fuck do I tie this tree up by myself, While holding the tree and no string handy???

So I tell Ewan to get this little Christmas box on my bakers rack(it is where I stashed the string that was used to tie the tree up when we got it) I pull it out and cleverly(after many many tries, and many many unpleasant words, manage to tie it around the bracket holding the book shelf to the wall. So then my tree is standing...very crookedly but standing. So while keeping my fingers crossed that my tree wont fall I run down and get the drill so I can put a screw in the other side of the wall so I can add more string to straighten the damn thing out...well the screw was a PITA to go in let me tell you...I left an unpleasant hole in the wall(I will deal with that after Christmas), but I did manage to get it in and tied the tree to that side as well.

So now my tree is standing straight and I go to check on the base(the bane of my existence) two of the pins are not even in the trunk at this point(I swear they were when we put the tree up, we even had my dad come over to double check it, because we have a history with the falling tree). It was in, it was straight it was sturdy...so why were two of the pins now out of the tree??? So I manage to get the third one out....lift the tree up(by myself I might add...while decorated and lit) and move it to the center of the stand and put the pins back in...with the help of my handy hammer. I step away covered in sap and needles to check out my handy work and low and behold that damn thing is actually straight!!!

Now on to deal with 2 very upset bigger boys and one screaming baby in his crib...plus a shower to deal with the sap...sigh

If this fucker falls I am so done with Christmas....well at least Christmas trees!!! Well at least real Christmas trees!!! Well at the very least I'm buying a new stand!!!

6 comments:

  1. I remember this happening with all my apartment trees too. Ugh! We have a phony baloney one now...that is small enough to put up on a table above Jonah's busy hands. Good luck! I hope it stays put until you are ready to take it away!!

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  2. I'm sorry Maggie, but I had to read your story out loud because it was so funny! I know, curse me, that had to have really, REALLY sucked bad! If it's any consolation, I had a Christmas tree fall on me when I was a kid. I was pulling tinsel out of my hair for two days. I hope you never have to do that again.

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  3. Laugh away Rose...if I don't laugh I will cry..lol

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  4. I saw this one on dragons den. It seemed like the best stand I had ever seen. Of course I don;t have to worry about that with my plastic tree that I love. haha
    http://omegatreestand.com/

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  5. This happened to us many times - fell on Sophie a few years ago...this year Paul talked me into a fake tree. I was upset at first but surprisingly don't miss the real one as much as I thought. Don't tell him that though.

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  6. thanks for the new stand Tracey...we will see how well it works next year.

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